Taking Breath Away
The other night my daughter, Candice, was on-line looking at colleges. She said something about the school she was looking at. I asked what school it was and Candice said it was Hofstra University here on Long Island. She turned to look at my expression after she said Hofstra and a father/teenage daughter discussion ensued.
I know Hofstra’s a great school but Candice knows I’m a proponent of her going away to school for the experience. To have the chance to go away to school and learn more about being more independent, as well as, to discover who and where she wants to be as an adult. I’m sure she can accomplish those same things staying home, but I feel it would be purer without her parent’s daily influence if she stays home during her college years.
Anyway Candice said to me “you know with my condition right now it’s looking more like it would be better for me to stay here.” Her condition is anxiety which has afflicted her for years and something she’s worked hard to over come.
She’s dealt with anxiety since she was a little kid and it really accelerated with 9/11. The impact of the towers falling and kids she knew, or knew of, losing someone they loved. We still talk about seeing the smoke at our house and tasting the acrid air here in Huntington some 45 miles from the site. My flying around the country for business during the years before, during and after 9/11 didn’t help either. But as I said before, she worked really hard to overcome it and it hasn’t been a big issue over the last couple of years.
So I’m asking myself why her anxiety is heightened to this level again. I know the usual that all kids go through. What it’s like to be a junior, getting ready for college, dealing with kids around you who do drugs and alcohol. The pressure to do what everyone is doing. Add to that an idiotic war in Iraq. Heightened states of security in New York at various times, etc and anyone would be anxious.
But this week the two things happened and I realized I really can’t imagine what Candice and other kids today are dealing with. I had my share of anxiety issues but not stuff like this.
First, one night earlier this week Candice started telling my how they went through a Lock Down Exercise at school. I said “a what exercise” and she said again “a lock down exercise.” I said “I think I know what you mean, but tell me more,” and she explained that “it’s just in case someone comes into the school and starts shooting.” She said “you know they’re putting bullet proof glass in all the windows, right Dad?” And I was like “yeah right, I know.” The conversation knocked me off my game and I could only imagine being a kid in school going through the exercise “just in case someone comes into the school and starts shooting.”
The other event was the shooting at the Illinois college campus, the latest of many school shootings in recent years. I saw a news summary on CNN rounding up the shootings in the U.S. in the last few years. They began with Columbine in Colorado and ended with the latest one in Illinois. After seeing this I thought to myself what could kids be thinking who have to deal with this stuff everyday when they get ready for school.
Go away to school, what I joke, how about hide under the bed! I know that’s the wrong reaction, but hey I’m her father and a parent. It’s kept playing in my mind since we spoke “in case someone comes into the school and starts shooting.”
It makes me angry that this is a world where we, humans, are supposed to be so advanced and living in societies that have supposedly evolved far beyond the animal world, especially here in the U.S. But that our kids have to wake up every morning and think about this stuff.
I look forward to the day when Candice or any of our kids don’t have the think about lock down exercises, bullet proof glass and in schools they can actually open a window without worrying about the toxins still lingering from 9/11 or some other environmental tragedy wafting in. It’s incumbent upon us all to select a leader this November who can help create a better world.
Tom Pellicane – Publisher, canvas Magazine
5 comments
Hey Tom,
That anxiety level is way more common than we like to think, and is way closer to home than we want to believe. It took years, including lots of therapy, for my wife to start to manager her anxiety after being one of thousand of persons that was working at WTC on 9/11, and only made it home after being covered head to toe in ash composite of building materials and human remains. My neighbor across the street is home, going to school locally, after a shooting at her college of choice in Virginia.
Of course there is my friend’s 21 year old daughter that seems to have been carrying such a high level of anxiety since puberty that almost all human interaction requires pre-medication in the form of anti-depressants.
It has become a real struggle to balance protecting our kids from third party stress from the likes of sensational news reporting (even just news commercials) and government originating fear, with the need to have them grow up aware of their surroundings and the realities of the world they live in.
Here’s hoping, that as you mention, we not only make a wiser choice in the upcoming election, but pay attention and support programs that may reduce or prevent the root causes of the terrorizing incidents.
Alex - Jericho
Alex
Thanks for sharing I agree with you whole heartedly about programs that prevent root causes of terrorizing incidents.
Beyond that as a society we need to become more proactive in providing support programs to reduce the anxiety levels the currently exist. Imagine the level we have today accelerating with each new event.
Our children are not only faced with the anxiety of the world we live in; i.e. terrorism, shootings and random acts of a crazed society but the pressures of what the notion of success is. Every high school student is groomed to get into the college of choice. What exactly is that? As a result continuous pressure is put upon them to succeed on SAT’s, be involved in sports, excel in academics and the list goes on and on. If I were a teenager today with all the pressures of sex(aids), drugs, alcohol, academic and social performance, let alone a crazed society; I too would suffer from anxiety. Programs to help deter anxiety is definitely a good idea and would create life coping skills as well.Parental influence will be there whether the child stays at home or goes away. The most important factor is that the child make a decision they will be happy and comfortable with. On the political front I am in wholehearted agreement that it is time to make a political decision that will make a change for our world in every way!!!!!
Tom,
After reading everyone’s comments, I felt the need to share my thoughts and feelings. As a teenager of the 50’s our experiences in life were not much different in many ways. We lived daily with the threat of the Atom Bomb. I can still hear the air raid sirens in my head. Hiding under our desk, running for cover in shelters in the street. I remember one poor woman who didn’t remember that there would be a practice drill city wide and she ran for cover. Her heel broke and she fell. The look of fear on her face stays with me 45 years later.
Our parents were not of mind to send us off to college. Graduating from High School was where their sights were set . Many of them never went beyond the sixth grade.
Attending local Junior High Schools and staying in the comfort of community was the norm. The change came when we attended High School. Traveling on subways, meeting teenager from all parts of the city. That was a real culture shock. The racial problems were unbelievable. I personally experienced in school, (Julia Richmond,all girls school) fights which consisted of razor blades, knives and chains. Needless to say after my sophomore year I transferred to a private business school. I didn’t know anything about anxiety, I just called it fear.
Jean and Sandra
Thanks for sharing your thoughts I agree with much of what you said. Each generation certainly has it’s strains and stresses. I too remember crouching in hallways of school as a kid.
I think the major difference the kids face today is the rate the are bombarded with all of this through TV, the internet, instant messaging etc, as well as, the changes brought on, desensitization, due the on-onslaught of violence on TV, in movies and video games.
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